I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
