i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
