having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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