I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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