What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
