Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
