Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
