I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
