i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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