the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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