Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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