You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
