In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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