walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
