Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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