you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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