Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
