I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize