hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
