Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
