i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
