And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
