I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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