Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
