Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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