Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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