Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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