Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
