i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
