I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
