I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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