i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
