If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize