He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
