the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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