Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm going to jail i love you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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