Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
