She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can you bring me the toilet please
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
