You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
