Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
