he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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