I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
