i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
