what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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