His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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