I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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