My friends, they love my intelligence
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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