After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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