I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I will be naked everywhere
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
