This is not my ceiling
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
