This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
