I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
