I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
