I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
