Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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