Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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