8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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