My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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