Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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