dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
