I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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