I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
