Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
