Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
