She went from zero to smokin in five shots
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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