Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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