i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
