She's JV to your varsity
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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