Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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