So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
