I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
