Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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