dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
