She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
