Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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