I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
