the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
