No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
