haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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