Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
