Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
