Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
