He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
