They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
