just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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