dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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